good bones “Big Red Urban Bard” exterior.Photo by Home Aesthetics
Happy August, HGTV fans! good bones heats up like mercury and we – editor-in-chief Megan Fernandez and art director Kristin Sims – spin and burn through the recap of “Big Red Urban Barn.”
This week, Two Chicks and a Hammer is undertaking its eighth or ninth renovation on Talbott Street in the Old Southside. In this industry, renovators often take a loss or break even on the first homes in a new neighborhood to increase home values there, and then profit from future renovations on the same street. So they’re back for the reward.
Megan: We start at SoChatti, a chocolatier’s tasting room near the city center. It’s definitely one of Indianapolis’ coolest secrets.
Christina: Again, Mina and Finley talk about raising money for the Two Chicks headquarters they need to build. The New Office is set to be the show’s newest drinking game – it seems to be the season’s recurring theme.
Megan: After loss last week, there is a lot of pressure on this house. It’s a 900-square-foot “nugget,” as Mina puts it, for $55,000. Mina hopes new building rules will help them make it sellable. The new rules are designed to increase urban density by allowing larger homes on smaller lots. Now the house can take up 80% of the land, up from 40% before, so they can build an extension on that house now.
Christina: It’s a huge increase. I guess that means there is no play space for families.
Megan: The renovation budget is $130,000 for all inclusive at $185,000, and on this seller’s market they can list it with just the floor plans for $250,000 easy, for a profit of $65,000.
Christina: I’m even surprised they don’t ask for more. A four bedroom for $250,000 seems super reasonable, especially with the crazy prices they’ve offered in past seasons. before market growth.
Megan: This house is Cyclops – it has only one window to the front and it is off center. The inside smells weird, but it’s really clean – no poo or rotten food. During the inspection, did Karen refer to one of the overhead lights as a “boob light”? I looked up from where I was sitting in my living room to an identical light.
Christina: Yes, sorry, you have a breast above your head.
Megan: Just one. A Cyclops breast. Their boob light goes into the gut job. Although the house is not gross, it needs a new layout. And there is a little missing foundation problem. The basement is directly dug and the house is floating.
Christina: Why the hell would someone dig the foundation? Just when you think you’ve seen all the crazies, a new episode pops up. But Mina’s solution to fixing it by pouring concrete through a window looks like one of the best basement plans of the season. It would be great as an owner to have a nice clean new floor, no matter how small.
Megan: They could also have a nice new carpet. Karen finds a Persian rug when she climbs through a hole in the ceiling to the attic. Later, MJ heroically saves him after crawling to the far corner of the attic in the dark. And actually, the rug is pretty cool.
Christina: I love that MJ clarified the difference between a rug and a carpet before he settled into the attic. I wouldn’t go near that for carpet either. The rug is in better condition than I expected, but not as cool as I hoped.
Megan: Cory makes quite an entrance in this episode during the demo.
Christina: It arrives hot or extremely caffeinated, which after a late night and two morning flights on the same day is entirely possible. He steps through the door and immediately begins swinging a hammer at the walls.
Megan: Yet still no dining room. This time, Two Chicks leaves out a kitchen island and the homeowner can choose to add one or set up a dining table there. They go with lots of open shelving in the kitchen. I love the look, but the shelves can get messy and the dishes get dusty and greasy.
Christina: Yes, you need good dishes and glasses and to be really organized. A few cool supports help. Rarely is it as beautiful as they show in magazines. And that’s only practical if you use the items often enough to keep them clean.
Megan: The red exterior is MJ’s idea for the “urban barn/bungalow”. A barn ?
Christina: The red with beige shingles isn’t my favorite at first glance, but I’ll reserve judgment until the final reveal.
Megan: Here’s a whoops – their contractor installed new trim without putting any flashing behind it. Flashing is a sealing material that surrounds the roof line, doors and windows. Someone will have to take the trim apart and redo it. Not only is it expensive, but Cory explains that the trim (or flashing) is difficult to install properly while still meeting the manufacturer’s warranty. If they miss a step, it can be rolled back. It was the contractor’s mistake, but Mina insists that “we” did it wrong because a fish stinks from head to bottom. She’s all about accountability this season.
Christina: Maybe contractor shit is this season’s new drinking game. It seems to happen more than anything else, episode after episode. I sense Mina’s frustration.
Megan: The design style is simple and chic: blond wood floors, white walls, paneled backsplash and open floating shelves, horizontal fences.
Christina: I don’t know if I like the beadboard backsplash. Yes, it’s cute, it’s from the farm. But used in the kitchen, all I can think of is trying to clean the gunk out of all those grooves. I’ll take dusty dishes off open shelves over grimy grooves any day.
Megan: HAHA, Cory’s impersonation of MJ with his hands on his hips!
Christina: He looked like a chick! A baby chicken, no woman slang.
Megan: Turns out the Persian attic rug is worth almost $1,000. When MJ and Karen are at the cleaners, Cory (again) bursts in with his own personal carpets and asks, “Are we scrubbing the carpet?” and it sounds dirty, ironically. Attic carpet looks brand new once it’s clean!
Christina: Yes, I was wrong. It looks much better done. Earlier in the episode, I thought the rug looked like the red and green faux Persian rugs you can get at clearance stores. This is a keeper.
Megan: The house is under contract and is supposed to close in four weeks, that is, a “turn and burn”, per MJ. But the backsplash is messy. Someone installed a cheap MDF beadboard, and not well. We have to do it again.
Christina: Seriously? WHO DO THIS ? There are so many better real bead panel options that won’t break the bank. ARRRGGGH. Cory slips from my No. 1 spot.
Megan: Maybe you join my Tad team. MJ, in charge of decorating a games room, has the idea of transforming an old 10 dollar pedestal table into a chessboard. Cory and Tad have to strip it, and Tad finds a lot of fun using a scraper to get under the wooden top and shred it. He says it’s so satisfying. It reminded me of peeling off a face mask, the beauty kind. I wonder if he wears masks…maybe not with that beard. But I could see it. I bet Tad is up for anything.
Christina: I think he would be up for a good MAN-i/pedi.
Megan: Pleasant. And I agree. The table is excellent. On the ground floor of the kitchen, the open shelves cross the window.
Christina: I was hoping they would put a break in the bottom shelf so the view wasn’t obstructed when the owner was at the sink – and they did. It really adds a more personalized look to the shelves.
Megan: The small kitchen looks nice. Lots of interest with the stuff on the open shelves.
Christina: The black piping on the shelves and the black faucet are a nice addition. And herringbone butcher block counters take butcher block to the next level. Unfortunately, I hate cabinet knobs that are turned to the side and placed inconsistently.
Megan: Karen, Cory and Tad planted 48 plants. My back hurts thinking about it.
Christina: Your back wouldn’t hurt if you could also use the auger.
Megan: Dakota has made offers on six other homes. Poor man! It’s a tough market. He likes the color red.
Christina: As we return from the commercial and the drone camera flies under the bridge across the street towards the house, the red stands out and lights up the neighborhood. It will be easy to tell his friends where to find his house.
Megan: With the bill, the house is no longer a nugget, it’s all the bird (hey, no bird wallpaper this week). The yard is a strip. But I would be fine with a low maintenance yard. Mina reveals that she has all the fake plants. She’s not Karen’s daughter!
Christina: You can see it every time they show the facade of Mina’s house. There’s a crazy amount of fake flowers on her balcony.
Megan: Dakota is a doll and she’s a serious plant parent (that’s what the kids call her now when you own a houseplant). He takes the Nugget for $294,000 instead of $250,000 because of the paneling, I mean, because the market grew so much during the renovation period. You called the highest price.
Christina: And the neighbor has a swimming pool!
Megan: My neighbor too. Don’t get your hopes up, Dakota. See you next week when the ‘new HQ’ drinking game may be over.
